


Lay Your Head on Me

by fullsvh



Category: NCT
Genre: Angst, Death, Drabble, Flashbacks, Hospital Setting, M/M, One Shot, Reminiscence, Short Story, Terminally Ill, but be careful anyway!, hard tags are not really explicit, lay your head on me by crush, pls idk why i hurt myself like this, story based on songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:42:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25030342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsvh/pseuds/fullsvh
Summary: "I promise I'll be back""I promise I'll ask you to be my boyfriend if you do""pinky promise?""pinky promise."But after 48 hours, what happened to Jaemin and Jeno's promises?
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Nomin - Relationship
Kudos: 8





	1. Pinky Promise

**Author's Note:**

> See warnings and tags please. This is based on Crush's Lay your head on me. Have fun!

**_**I see you hurt, I see you sufferin', you're not alone, in case you're wondering, oh you can come to me** _ ** **_**a** _ ** **_**nd lay your head on me.** _ **

"Thank you," Jaemin breathed. He was maybe a bit reluctant to put his head on the shoulder of this boy beside him, but Jeno insisted and gently held his head and guided it to his wide shoulders.

_Jeno's really too good for this world_ , Jaemin thought to himself.

They've known each other since they were kids. They know that when worse comes to worst, they are all that they have. They share all their secrets and problems there's practically nothing they could hide from each other. Well, except one thing. The both of them had been denying it to themselves these past few months, maybe even closer to a year.

"Are you scared?" Jeno finally asked, breaking the silence.

"Of course I am, I've been waiting for this day since I was a kid. You know that.”

Jeno does, so he nods gently. It was honestly a dumb question.

“But I’m also excited. What would it feel like?"

They sat again in silence, the question lingering in the air.

It was a time to take into account the light beige walls that match perfectly with setting and rising sun and everything in between. The window at the other side of the room was a open and there was a light breeze coming in the lazy spring afternoon. The single bed against the window was unkempt. Jaemin didn’t bother to tidy it up because he knows he'll sleep on it again in a matter of hours.

Jaemin quietly sheds his tears as something still bothers him in the back of his mind and in the crevices of his heart, and it makes him sO upset.

Over the years, the kids have grown the art of crying quietly and that involves breathing steadily and noiselessly. But Jaemin cant hide that from Jeno.

He felt Jeno take his hands in his, gently patting his hand over his.

"Its not that I fear for me, you know" Jaemin said looking up at Jeno, "but I'm so upset that we cant go together." Jaemin finished saying as he looks at Jeno with a pout on.

Jeno laughs lightly at the childishness.

"Jaemin-ah, this isnt a race. Okay? One day, I'll be there too."

"You promise?"

"I promise." But he knows it was a lie.

They made a pinky swear. They both know hell will go down if one ever dares break the pinky swear.

_Everything will be alright. I'll make sure of that. I_ _’_ _m strong willed. I_ _’_ _m a Leo after all._

The thought makes Jaemin smile even for a bit, and earned him a questioning look from Jeno.

They chuckle to themselves and Jaemin settles his head again in the crook of Jeno's neck. Enjoying each other’s warmth warmth and comfort of the sofa, overlooking the window by the other side of the room.

**_**Can see you're lost, I see you strugglin'. Can't even tell your friends from your enemies, but you can come to me. And lay your head on me.** _ **

Jeno does see that Nana's struggling.

He has always been by Nana's side, for better or for worse. And Nana has been with him for the same length of time.

When they went first went to regular school, trying to be normal students, they've only received judgmental eyes. Eyes you can’t discern whether they held pity, fear or disgust. It was mentally draining and had to quit only after a few weeks.

He thinks that that was exactly the time that they decided that they only had each other. Sure there were other kids who talk to them in the dorm, but they were all chILDREN. They probably saw them as the big hyungs they could play and hang around with. He was grateful for them though. It made them feel what they could barely call “normal”.

Jeno could feel Jaem falling asleep on his based on the evening of his breathing and the way his weight is falling onto Jeno's.

He taps him awake and told him to sleep on the bed. He nodded sleepily and got up, but he took Jeno’s hand with him.

“Sleep with me.” he groggily said.

Jeno smiled and raised an eyebrow at him. It was only a moment after that Jaemin realized what he said and they both smiled. He slapped Jeno’s hand playfully.

“Not like that!”

“I know, I know,” Jeno got up, chuckling to himself. He let Jaemin guide him to the bed and they laid down, side by side. And just like that, they fell asleep in each other’s arm.

**_**Oh when you say you've given up, when you say you had enough, I'm thinking about you always** _ **

They were both awake now, but not moving.

Jeno had Jaemin sleeping on his left arm, his head buried in his chest.

Sleeping, or maybe just being in close contact with another person, you unintentionally match their breathing pace. And so did the 2 boys lying together, cramped in a single bed. But they were warm and comfortable.

It’s already night time, they were only woken up when someone came into the room and opened the light that was closest to the door. The lady was fixing something on the other side of the room, so that their side corner of the room, on the bed, was still relatively dark, light only coming at the foot of their bed from the window.

Jaemin had calmed down awhile ago because he felt asleep. But now, he’s wide awake again. Dread crept up to him like tiny ants marching up on his skin.

**_**When the more you love, the more you lose** _ ** **_**, t** _ ** **_**he more I'm there for you** _ **

Jeno never felt emotions such as love, but if he did, it’s probably this feeling of warmth and sense of protection.

Jeno felt Jaemin tense up in his arms. He place one arm to his back and started rubbing it.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he assured, breathing it onto the top of Jaemin’s head. “Everything will be alright.”

He felt Jaemin’s breathing slow down again, matching his pace.

“You can do it. I believe in you.”

“Okay, okay, I’m alright…” the younger boy said, more to himself than to Jeno.

“Jaemin-ah,” Jeno started, knowing full well anything could happen. He took his chin and made him look into his eyes.

Oh god his eyes. It was dark and it only made the stars in his eyes shine brighter. He can’t see it in this dark but his lashes are probably as long as ever. He felt like he needed to do it now.

Now or never.

Jaemin looked up to Jeno’s eyes which were usually crescent like a smile, were now warm but serious at the same time. It was sentimental. And Jaemin already knows what was coming.

“You probably already know this, but I just wanted to tell you in advance but I love you. More than just a friend. More than a family. I love you the way I want to be with you always through your ups and downs.”

Jeno faintly saw Jaemin’s face scrunch up as he felt the emotions rise in him, and tears start pricking behind his eyes, and now, down his face.

Jeno wasn’t the type to say his emotions out loud. The man doesn’t have much of that. So it really meant the world when Jeno said that himself. In this close proximity, like a prelude to something greater… or something worse.

“I love you too,” he managed to choke up, burying his head on Jeno's chest one more time.

**_**I'm thinking about you always, I'm thinking about you always** _ **

Jeno was now sittin on the edge of the bed, holding out his arm to Jaemin, they locked hands and eyes, like they were the only people in the room.

“I promise I’ll be back” Jaemin said as he tighten his grip on Jeno’s hand. He won’t feel it anyway.

“Can I make you my boyfriend when you do?” Jeno bravely said, Jaemin’s eyes widen in shock, and then laughter followed.

  
”Let’s see.” Nana teased.

“Then I promise I’ll ask you to be my boyfriend when you come back.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

“We need to go,” the nurse, said, Jaemin only nodded and he was wheeled out of the room, but not without looking back at Jeno smiling at the edge of the bed, waving good bye.

**_**So lay your head on me** _ ** **_**, s** _ ** **_**o lay your head on me** _ **

**__ **

Jaemin was scared again. He can feel his heart racing uncontrollably now, without Jeno by his side to reassure him. This is probably bad for his heart so he tried breathing exercises to calm down a bit.

The hospital for terminally ill children was relatively small but the plain white hallways seemed endless, the journey from his room to the operating room felt like forever.

He was greeted by the surgeons and nurses with their scrubs, their masks down to greet Jaemin with a reassuring smile.

Jaemin has known most them for almost 13 years, and he was 20 now. Familiar faces always felt reassuring before a surgery. Especially this surgery that would finally end his pain for the rest of his life.

…

The surgery was set for 17 hours at most, but complications arose and it ended up with double the time, almost losing Jaemin twice. But after 36 hours of surgery, they pulled through.

After another 48 hours, Jaemin finally woke up. Tubes of various sizes coming in and out of his body. He felt week. He went in and out of comma for another 12 hours.

He was awake now. Feeling like he was a new person. He tried accessing his memories, and finally, the thought of his last promise with Jeno came. He started looking for his best friend’s face among the people that surround him in the room.

And only then was he informed that he was the only one that kept his part of the promise.

\- fin -


	2. Epilogue

“For someone who has a limited sense of feeling, Jeno had stirred in us different emotions.” He said dead straight into the crowd of black and white.

“He made us happy, loved, contented. He made us forget what we were in the moment. Seeing him smile, laugh and play with the children was enough to bring smiles to everyone around. He unknowingly made everyone feel safe around him. He was an exceptionally good companion and I know every one of us will miss him dearly. That’s all thank you.”

He made it short and only just a bit sentimental. He was closer to the children after all, and they weren’t here and he doesn’t want to speak up for them.

He was wheeled off the stage for another one to stand there and give the eulogy. He asked to be brought back to his hospital room. He doesn’t deserve to be here. He deserves to be alone.

And so there in his room he lie aimlessly, his head drifting off from one point in space to another. Time ran and could have probably stopped and Jaemin wouldn’t even notice.

There were no tears left to cry, and he was just numb all over.

Was this the price he had to pay?

A gentle knock on the door brought him back to reality. He didn’t even notice but he barely had the voice to speak, but he let out a faint “Its open.”

Jeno’s mom came in in her white Sunday dress. Her eyes puffy but she pulled a smile for Jaemin.

She knew the boy was beating himself up for what happened but honestly, she was grateful either way for this boy.

She sat on the chair by the side of the bed. Jaemin helped himself up and sat facing her, taking her hand she offered. He felt he was going to cry again at the touch. He hasn’t touch anyone since after the operation.

“It’s not your fault, Jaemin-ah” she gently said, knowing its not going to change the boy’s stubborn mind, but she let it out anyway because its true.

“We don’t and will never blame you for what happened.”

“Why not?”

“Because its not anyone’s fault.”

Jaemin wasn’t convince.

“It is.”

“It’s not.”

“My operation took too long…”

“Jaemin…”

“And when he had his attack there was no one available for him,”

“It was too late anyway, its already reached his brain. Doctors said he would be in a vegetative state even if he was operated on.” she said,

Jaemin had no response to that. He didn’t know. An awkward and sad silence fell on them.

She still had Jaemin’s hand in hers.

“He probably doesn’t know it but he looked happy being with you and the children. And you were the last one he was with and that makes my heart contented, because at least he had a good memory to cling onto.”

When Jaemin thought he had no tears left to cry, he was wrong. He was crying again, but the controlled cry he learned to do when crying in front of others.

“He was asleep when it happened, he didn’t feel the pain of his organs suddenly shutting down, and it was too late when the nurses found him. They tried tho, and their efforts are our only consolation. And seeing him happy with you. You’re like our child too you know, and we’re happy you’ve received your treatment. Grow strong okay? We would love to see it.”

She stood up and brought Jaemin into a hug.

Jaemin only nodded and they cried once more.

When they said “the more you love, the more you lose,” it was this. Jaemin loved Jeno with his whole heart. He was his best friend and confidant. His go-to person. His comfort. And he lost those all at once.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Again, it was based on Crush's Lay your head on me. It was my first time doing this kind of genre. I dont want it to come off as romanticizing anything, but please tell me if it does tho. I'm exploring different kinds of lost in my prompts, so that's why. Please tell me your thoughts?


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